Tuesday, May 13, 2014
In the beginning
I haven't always been willing to puncture my veins with hypodermic needles. As a young child I was horrified at the thought of getting a flu shot or getting my blood drawn. I would do whatever was necessary to avoid getting that silver and hollow shank inserted into my body. As a young boy, I classified needles as one of my biggest fears. Not anymore. Not today. My biggest fear today is dying from an insulin needle full of heroin. It would be a peaceful way to call it quits- but I'm not ready. I'm not ready to die. How did I get here? How did I become a heroin addict? This isn't what I wanted. I wanted to be an airplane pilot. My choices over the past 15 years landed me where I am- right here, right now. My goal in life wasn't to do more than two years behind bars. Stealing strangers cars wasn't on my to-do list. I definitely didn't want to be walking the cold winter streets with nowhere to go. Heroin and other drugs destroyed my life and everything around it. I seen death. I faced death. I lied, cheated, stole, manipulated, committed intolerable crimes, used weapons, cheated society, dishonored my closest family members and drug them through the steaming pits of hell called addiction. I completely destroyed my health and well-being. I was that dirty, scraggly man standing on the off-ramp, holding a cardboard sign, begging you for your loose change. If I can find my out, so can anyone else who has been gripped by addiction. I've decided to detail my journey of addiction in hopes to help others who are going through the pain and misery of addiction. I realized quickly that the system is not focused on my recovery and if I was going to survive, I had to get out of it. This is my story... Please comment and follow my weekly blog if you or a loved one is suffering from addiction.
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I am...being the mother of a sober addict, I must say I was well within the black tornado called heroin. I was not even aware that I was fueling the fire by being a enabler. At the time, I didn't even know what that meant, or who that was? The longer the storm went on, the more it engulfed more family members, their possessions, their own integrity as a human being. The hardest part of it all, was saying "NO" to drugs, and the many trips we took to the dealer. To have your addict exit the front door, without the key and say you are now on your own. No place to stay, no transportation, no money (well a few dollars for a burger for the night) we never knew if that is where it was spent. But, the statement of, "I will love you forever, but I do not love what the drugs are doing to you." "You can't come home again until you are done with this evil that you are doing. It was many trials, and many errors, before he came completely clean. But, there were still a set back here and there, but he found a way to stay sober. He attended the meetings, he gave up control to his higher power, and tried to make it right again with all who had been swept up into his storm. Today, he is a hard working honest person of society, paying taxes, paying bills, saying afloat, and taking care of his new little wife all on their own. I am proud of you Dustin, and I love you still, even more so than I ever thought I could..I am excited at what you are doing, trying to teach others with your cleverness that I had missed for so many years. Keep up the good work, never give in, you are awesome! I enjoy your blog, I can hardly wait for the next one to come out! Know too, that your Dad prayed hard for you and he does know, and is beaming down on you from the Heavens,,,that you are going ever forward, and doing well.
ReplyDeleteLove, The Mom